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Matchmaking [1/5/5151]; Johnagold, Kiernan, open
Topic Started: Aug 18 2012, 12:38 PM (678 Views)
Sylvirr
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Starving Artist
Things were not going well for the kelpie. Immortal he may have been, and perhaps even called cold-hearted or cruel, but Kiernan was not, by any means, evil or heartless. He was simply doing what came naturally to his kind--eating, hunting, protecting his territory, and taking the toll from whosoever may have tried to cross...like a scaly troll.
Regardless, the day found him abandoning his usual monthly trip to the Mimosa Sunrise, as Meadow had been scarce lately and she could not answer his questions.

It was a pressing matter, as he was fairly certain he'd come along something that would change him for better or for worse. You see, a kelpie would instinctively know their soul-mate when they met--and Kiernan was positive this was his.

The only problem was that Treble was positively terrorized by him. And Kiernan had no idea how to woo a pony! None whatsoever. He'd tried presents (of food, which for Kelpies was really quite a declaration), but Treble had fainted at the sight of bloody meat. He'd tried serenades, but kelpie-singing was grating to the ears of sweet ponies, and pretty much sounded like a war-cry...so Treble was scared of that, too.

He was out of options--perhaps another pony would be able to help! And so, he'd strapped on his saddlebags made of the flesh of devoured creatures (ponies, griffins and even other forest animals alike) and made his way onward.

He'd have to pass through Sweet Apple Acres to make it to the rest of Ponyville after all, as the Everfree Forest flanked it quite clearly.
Illumination|Unicorn|Stallion
Kiernan|Kelpie|Stallion
Lunafer|Unikirin|Male
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JM95
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Johnagold was sitting on the porch, looking up at the eternally dark sky. Luna's moon hanging in the sky used to be beautiful, but now....now it was just plain irritating for Johnagold. It was winter, the slowest season for Sweet Apple Acres, and nothing was being produced. It was a nice break from the business of fall, and right now, Johnagold's main task was to manage and send out food supply caravans to feed the less fortunate areas of Equestria who had mostly run out of food. He didn't really have to do this often, though, as food distribution wasn't the main concern relating to the eternal night.

Johnagold stopped staring blankly at the sky and looked down towards the field. He saw a kelpie slithering, or moving however the hell kelpies do, down by the Everfree border. Johnagold only knew of one kelpie, so it had to be Kiernan.

Johnagold stood up and waved over to the hideous creature that really didn't scare him all that much. Living by the Everfree and being used to the monstrosities that lived there did have its advantages, after all.

"Hey!"shouted the stallion. "Kiernan! What brings you 'round here?"
Johnagold||Earth Pony||Stallion and daughter Ginger Gold//Unicorn//Filly
Heinrich||Unicorn||Stallion
The Colonel||Unicorn||Stallion
Jess//Diamond Dog//Female
Shikataro//Unikirin//Buck
Spring Blossom//Earth Pony//Mare
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Sylvirr
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His head whipped around, mucky water seeping from his mane, a sick algae green slithering down his scales and sticking between his hooves. He hadn't yet met all the ponies in Ponyville, but having to continually pass through the farm made him fairly familiar with the Apples.
"Johnagold! I demand assistance!" he stomped a hoof. Well, he was always the type to demand rather than ask..OH WAIT, maybe that was something he had to fix!
"I mean. I require assistance!"
Illumination|Unicorn|Stallion
Kiernan|Kelpie|Stallion
Lunafer|Unikirin|Male
Soliel|Unikirin|Male
Bloom|Phoenix|Female
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JM95
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Johnagold trotted down the porch stairs and approached the...lake monster...If that's what you wanna call it... But anyway, Kiernan said that he needed help with something, and Johnagold could never turn down a pony, or should I say kelpie, who needed help! Johnagold practically lived for helping others. He'd have to find out what Kiernan needed help with and see what he could do about the kelpie's problem.

"Well, you came to the right place, Kiernan," said Johnagold with a smile. It was service with a smile, all right, and that's how it always was with Johnagold."Now what do you need help with?"
Johnagold||Earth Pony||Stallion and daughter Ginger Gold//Unicorn//Filly
Heinrich||Unicorn||Stallion
The Colonel||Unicorn||Stallion
Jess//Diamond Dog//Female
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Sylvirr
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Kiernan narrowed his eyes, the burning red coalfires nearly smoldering in his skull as he stared down at the pony," Romance! I cannot woo the mate I desire! I seem to frighten him off. I have given him gifts of food and fare, but he simply faints or runs away screaming in terror! HOW DO I PERSUADE HIM?"
..Perhaps starting with lowering the volume? And..the violence? Wait, did he say FOOD? As in he brought a poor little pony a sack of bloody meat?

..That could be a mood killer.
Illumination|Unicorn|Stallion
Kiernan|Kelpie|Stallion
Lunafer|Unikirin|Male
Soliel|Unikirin|Male
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JM95
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Johnagold's head shrunk into his body in a very turtle-like manner as the kelpie screamed in his face. The sheer volume of the creature's voice left his ears ringing, and it took a few seconds for Kiernan's shouts for help to fully register in his mind.

Okay, so Kiernan needed help wooing a mate...First of all, why would he go to Johnagold, one of the most awkward stallions around mares in Equestria, for help? Second, of course Kiernan wouldn't be getting a mate if he tried an approach like that! Using that tone of voice and giving offerings of food? Now, mares like chocolates and flowers, but female kelpies, on the other hand, ate meat. And Kiernan probably did something gory or disgusting to cause whoever he was trying to hook up with to faint.

Johnagold's head slowly came out from being stuffed into his neck and body. "Uh...did you try serenadin' him?"
Johnagold||Earth Pony||Stallion and daughter Ginger Gold//Unicorn//Filly
Heinrich||Unicorn||Stallion
The Colonel||Unicorn||Stallion
Jess//Diamond Dog//Female
Shikataro//Unikirin//Buck
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Sylvirr
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Kiernan tilted his head in a nearly canine manner."...Serenade?" he repeated. He hadn't ever sang before--though his speaking voice (when the volume was a tolerable level) was quite sultry, one had the feeling that his singing would leave something to be desired, if not only because the songs he'd sing would not be...er..romantic.
"WHAT WOULD I SERENADE HIM WITH?!"
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Kiernan|Kelpie|Stallion
Lunafer|Unikirin|Male
Soliel|Unikirin|Male
Bloom|Phoenix|Female
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JM95
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Johnagold nodded. "You'd serenade him with a song, of course. Like a really gushy love song that purty much blatantly says,"

Johnagold was interrupted by Ginger Gold opening the door and coming outside.

"Ginger, what are you doin' up? You got school tomorrow," said Johnagold to his daughter.

"I want you to read me a bedtime story!" squeaked Ginger enthusiastically.

"Well, dad's kinda busy right now...When he's done, he'll come in and read you your story."

"Yay!" Ginger ran back to the house to go get tucked in for bed.

"Sorry for the inneruption," said Johnagold to Kiernan. "But, if she exists, Ah was obviously a hit with the mares at some point, and what Ah'm sayin' is that you sing that pony you're innerested in the best love song you can think of. A song that basically screams, 'HEY, AH'M KIERNAN AND AH WANNA GET IN YOUR PANTS TONIGHT!' One that leaves him at a loss for words because he's so impressed!"
Johnagold||Earth Pony||Stallion and daughter Ginger Gold//Unicorn//Filly
Heinrich||Unicorn||Stallion
The Colonel||Unicorn||Stallion
Jess//Diamond Dog//Female
Shikataro//Unikirin//Buck
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Sylvirr
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"..But he does not wear pants." And Kiernan liked that, but that was besides the point. It seemed a few things tended to go over the kelpies' head... And then he saw the adorable little filly! "...My, she looks delicious.." he mused aloud--but, no, he knew better. Or rather, he simply wasn't actually malevolent. If anything, he was a true neutral and did only what would benefit him.
Illumination|Unicorn|Stallion
Kiernan|Kelpie|Stallion
Lunafer|Unikirin|Male
Soliel|Unikirin|Male
Bloom|Phoenix|Female
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JM95
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Johnagold smiled at Kiernan's cluelessness regarding the expression he had used to describe what the song should be like. "Of course he don't wear pants, it's an expression. It purty much means, 'Ah want to....mate?...with you.'"

And then Kiernan made the mistake of calling Ginger 'delicious'. Johnagold, of course, knew that Kiernan probably didn't know any better, but the thought of the kelpie trying to eat his little filly made Johnagold a little uncomfortable.

"That filly's mah little Ginger Gold, sweetest apple of 'em all." Johnagold looked over to the filly walking back to the house. "Now, we were talkin' bout singin'. So what songs you got in mind?"
Johnagold||Earth Pony||Stallion and daughter Ginger Gold//Unicorn//Filly
Heinrich||Unicorn||Stallion
The Colonel||Unicorn||Stallion
Jess//Diamond Dog//Female
Shikataro//Unikirin//Buck
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Sylvirr
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"I bet she would be sweet indeed, though perhaps a bit tough to the palatte." he admitted, only half-joking. He paused then,Ah yes. Songs.
"Songs I know have only been passed onto me from my mother." Meaning none of them were about trying to earn love.
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Kiernan|Kelpie|Stallion
Lunafer|Unikirin|Male
Soliel|Unikirin|Male
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JM95
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Johnagold was getting a little nervous. Hopefully Kiernan was joking when he referred to Ginger as if she was a delicacy. Anyway, with Kiernan being a creepy monster and all, Johnagold wasn't all that sure that he wanted to hear any of the kelpie's songs. They were probably about eating ponies and doing whatever creepy stuff those kelpies did. But, Johnagold couldn't work his magic without hearing at least one song and telling Kiernan how to improve it, so he'd have to suck it up and listen.

"Would you mind singin' one of your songs, Kiernan?" asked Johnagold, sounding a little nervous.
Johnagold||Earth Pony||Stallion and daughter Ginger Gold//Unicorn//Filly
Heinrich||Unicorn||Stallion
The Colonel||Unicorn||Stallion
Jess//Diamond Dog//Female
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Sylvirr
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Johna should not have asked that.
The song was something like what a gravedigger would sing to a deceased lover--it was the kind of song that made the hair on a mane stand on end, and though the kelpies' speaking voice left nothing to be desired, his falsetto...erg...was just as horrifying.
Illumination|Unicorn|Stallion
Kiernan|Kelpie|Stallion
Lunafer|Unikirin|Male
Soliel|Unikirin|Male
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Johnagold winced and held his ears back throughout the entire 'song', if that's what it could be called. That racket was so horrible, it woke up Granny, and she looked pissed.

"WHAT'S THAT...Oh, howdy, Kiernan!" The senile old mare shouted from the window. All of a sudden, she seemed much more happy. "If you want some apple pie, there's still some sittin' on the table!" Granny closed the window and went back to bed.

Johnagold just stared awkwardly for a few seconds. "Maybe....Maybe we should try a different approach..." He said, his eyes wide with shock and fear.
Johnagold||Earth Pony||Stallion and daughter Ginger Gold//Unicorn//Filly
Heinrich||Unicorn||Stallion
The Colonel||Unicorn||Stallion
Jess//Diamond Dog//Female
Shikataro//Unikirin//Buck
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Sylvirr
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Hm. He could always go for Grannys' apple pie. Even sociopathic flesh-eating death-bringers like himself could appreciate good sweets, just like he appreciated Meadows' special brew just for him. Hey, he wasn't BAD...just uncontrollable.
"We continue after pie." he demanded, stamping a wet hoof to the ground.
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Kiernan|Kelpie|Stallion
Lunafer|Unikirin|Male
Soliel|Unikirin|Male
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